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I don’t give a fuck.
Rants or Whatever.
So lets get something straight. More for myself than anyone else. I’ve always used this blog to pour my heart and soul into, and lately my life has been more than perfect.
But then I get stupid & take everything for granted. Thinking that what I have will always be what I have regardless of how I act. Now even though I convinced myself that having sex with this asshole was a bad idea, I still did it. Why? Couldn’t tell you.
Even though I said no four hundred times and the sex was some of the worst i’ve ever experienced, I still did it. And I still went to church the next morning and prayed that I could erase the night before.
But God can be cruel, he’ll punish you for shit you think you can wiggle yourself out of. As many times as i’ve sat in that church I don’t think i’ve ever prayed as hard as I did sunday.
I betrayed my best friend. Completely stabbed her in the back. And She has every right to be mad at me (maybe not smack me in the face repeatedly) but nevertheless she should be allowed to be mad about whatever she wants.
But I guess that thing that hurts the most is that i’ve really thought about how I’d feel if she had sex with my ex boyfriend. At first I thought I don’t think I’d be that mad, and then I thought I’d be furious, and then I thought I’d be disappointed.
But I know what i’d be, I think I’d be quiet. I think I would push it aside because I wouldn’t want to loose my best friend. I think I’d forgive her because she means more to me then any guy. I think i’d call her a bitch and want her to hold me and ask why he wanted her and not me. But I understand. I understand her anger, I understand how it feels to have your best friend betray you. Because Its happened, with my freshman best friend Blaire. She hooked up and dated my boyfriend, and they both forgot about me.
So after rambling a little bit, I think I would move on, I think I would start over, and love my best friend. But hey who knows, maybe i’m just a bitch. But I’m a bitch who misses my best friend.
Pancake Breakfast with my best friend
Amazing sex with an my amazingly sexy boyfriend